on moving forwards
Things have been a little hectic lately. I'm not one to spill my guts out to the internet, and I have no real intention of just disclosing personal shit out into the web where no one has any business knowing what's going on in my personal life, but I still wanted to write about my perspective on the way things have been going lately for me.
I've come to learn that life is sort of indifferent towards you. It can give you a good many years before throwing a curveball at you and suddenly pulling a full 180. And I guess I've come to accept that eventually something had to happen to really shake me up. I'm not torn about it, though, because I know things can circle back around. Life can put you in a rough patch and then throw the best thing that could ever happen to you. It doesn't all have to be negative.
If I were younger, I would've probably felt hopeless and wallowed in my misery. I would've buried myself in my own sadness and felt like everything was falling apart. Yet I can't help but look at this and accept the way things are. I should be more devastated, but as the days have passed, I could only accept that the life I knew is no longer mine and that I have the love and support of so many people behind me. All the tears I've shed weren't for the person who has hurt me but for knowing that I'm so loved and I always have been. That no matter where I run, someone will be there for me waiting.
I'm proud of myself for growing out of the mindset that the possible indifference of the world ultimately meant that there was no value in living. No value in trying to find meaning. Because even if that indifference is there, even if the world doesn't care about whether I laugh or cry, I still care about this world and the people in my life. So I'll find meaning and joy in spending time with them and the people I love and cherish. In doing the things I love and valuing that time I have with people, knowing just how quickly things can change.
Of course, this is all my own personal perspective. I was never religious, nor did I grow up in a household that practiced religion, so I don't feel like that influenced my views. Life to me is a neutral thing that neither loves us nor hates us, simply carrying on. It's almost like an improv play where the scene you're in can suddenly shift into something completely different. There's no script to follow, only what I decide I want to do from this point forward.
It's a little unusual for me to be writing anything that's this personal (at least as personal as this lol), but like always, things will eventually settle, and all will return to the way things were. Even if a little different. I'm no philosopher or anything like that so like honestly if anything I say sounds pretentious then like.....┐(´～｀)┌ idk lol